I love this doctor! (hilarious)

We bring to you a Random Argument. Well, rather, a random conversation. Anyways...

The Patient: Doctor, I've heard that exercise can prolong life.Is this true?
The Doctor: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
The Patient: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
The Doctor: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable) And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
The Patient: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
The Doctor: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get evenmore of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. So have a cup now and then!
The Patient: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
The Doctor: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain....Good!
The Patient: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
The Doctor: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...... Foods are fried these days invegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
The Patient: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
The Doctor: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
The Patient: Is chocolate bad for me?
The Doctor: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

Random Facts:
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Weird, right??
Yes, I know.
Until next time, watch a rainbow, pet a cat, read a poem, live life your way.
Amethyst